


'till our compass stands still

by clarissawrites



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Established SuperCorp, F/F, I promise the ending is happy, Not Really Character Death, but she comes back at the end, no actual death of anyone, perceived character death, spoilers for the fic but, the pain is worth it, they think kara is dead for a while
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 11:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19208272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarissawrites/pseuds/clarissawrites
Summary: Supergirl dies an untimely death. In the aftermath, Lena tries to piece herself back together and move forward. It takes time. // Angst with a happy ending. Seriously, it starts out rough but the ending is very happy. Spoilers in the tags.





	'till our compass stands still

“Lena, you should go home.”

She doesn’t have to look up to know that Alex has her arms crossed and her signature “concerned big sister wrinkle” in her forehead.

“I’m fine, Alex. I need to finish this.”

(She doesn’t mention that she can’t go home, not really. Not with Kara gone)

Alex sighs deeply. Lena still doesn’t look up. She has always been a workaholic, but the last few months have been overdrive and even she knows it. It’s either that or drink herself into oblivion, so Lena stands by the fact that she’s making the right choice.

“Lena, come on,” Alex says softly, stepping closer. “It’s sister night, and I’m not letting you say no again.”

Lena’s hands still on the keyboard. The hollow ache in her chest trembles for a moment and she bites the inside of her cheek to keep it from cracking open. She feels so lost these days, like the internal sense of purpose she’s always had has stopped working. She’s floundering for a direction, stuck in a phantom zone. The pull of Alex’s orbit is strong, but it’s not the right pull, not the one Lena wants.

“Alex…” she starts, her head shaking.

A warm hand lands on hers. She looks up into Alex’s eyes and almost starts crying at the sadness she finds. Lena’s insides feel mostly cold and calm these days, but when she looks at Alex, she sees the depth of her own grief (grief that lies just beneath the surface, if she’s really being honest) mirrored in Alex’s eyes.

“Come on, Lena. Just tonight. Just one night off, you and me. We can go dancing or to the bar even—whatever you want.”

“I thought you wanted me to go home?” Lena jokes dryly, and Alex almost smiles.

\-------

They go to Alex’s apartment. Lena’s glad, because for the last three months she’s been staying in a hotel instead of their— _her_ —apartment. She’s pretty sure (scratch that, she’s _certain_ ) Alex knows this, but she’d rather not explain out loud how she can’t yet sleep in a place she shared with Kara.

Sister night is supposed to be romcoms and pizza and wine, but Alex breaks out the hard liquor right away instead, and puts on some kitschy action movie that neither of them are really paying attention to.

“Eliza wants you to come to Midvale with me at the end of next month,” Alex says eventually. Lena is reaching for her third slice of pizza (because why change tradition when every kind of takeout makes her think of Kara anyway?) but stops to frown at Alex.

“That’s a kind offer, but…”

“It’s not an offer. She’s insisting. And she says she’ll come out here and drag you there by the ear if she has to.”

Lena sighs and finishes getting her pizza. Eliza is the kindest soul she’s ever met, next to Kara, but she’s also the toughest. Alex isn’t lying about her dragging Lena back to Midvale.

“Fine. But I’m bringing things to do. I can’t be gone for a whole week at this time of year.”

“Lena.” Alex tilts her head gently. “You haven’t taken off any time except the day of the funeral. You need to rest: you’re working yourself into the ground. When was the last time you slept for more than three hours at a time?”

Lena’s jaw clenches and she wonders how Alex knows. She wonders if Alex wakes screaming from her worst nightmare playing over and over again too. “That’s none of your business,” she bites out, but it lacks the punch she means for it to have.

“Lena…” Alex touches her arm and Lena jerks away, reaching for her scotch. She takes a hefty swig, reveling in the burn in her throat because it takes away from the burn behind her eyes.

When she’s swallowed, she makes the mistake of turning to look at Alex. Alex’s eyes are wide and soft and vulnerable, and the tears well up. Lena manages to keep them from spilling over.

Alex takes Lena’s hand and runs her thumb over the bracelet that’s been on Lena’s wrist since that night, that fateful night. It’s the only thing that keeps Lena feeling grounded these days, but right now it burns. It was supposed to be Kara’s, and now Kara will never wear it.

“Every time I close my eyes, I see her falling,” Lena whispers, despite herself. “Every time I fall asleep, I come so close to saving her. If I run a little faster, reach a little further, I can catch her: become Supergirl myself somehow, just long enough to keep her safe. But I never do. And I wake up and it’s like I’ve lost her all over again.”

Alex pulls her into a hug. “It’s ok to grieve,” she whispers.

Lena still won’t let the tears come. “I’d rather stay in denial, thanks,” she whispers back, and Alex’s grip tightens.

Lena lets Alex hug her. She knows Alex needs it too, and if Alex can feel a little better from the hug, at least that’s one of them.

<><><><><>

On the nights she does sleep, Lena wakes to a phantom.

There’s always a moment, sometimes more, between sleep and wake when the sun is casting its warm arms across the bed and Kara’s there with her, smiling sleepily, soft and whole.

“I miss you,” Lena tells her. She never responds.

As time goes on, Phantom Kara starts showing up more and more. At first, it’s just out of the corner of Lena’s eye: across the coffee shop, entering the lobby just as Lena steps into an elevator, walking in the park.Eventually, she’s everywhere: in the crowd at a press conference with a bright, encouraging smile; laughing from across the bar as she gets them all another round of drinks; entering the DEO with James on his way in from CatCo.

It’s always Kara though, never Supergirl.

Kara, in her nerdy glasses throwing Kale into the grocery cart with a look of disgust on her face. Kara in Lena’s MIT hoodie, jumping up with pure excitement on her face when the pizza delivery arrives. Kara at L-Corp’s annual Gala, arriving in a Supergirl Blue dress, looking so stunning Lena’s surprised for a moment that she doesn’t instantly catch everyone’s eye, before remembering that Kara’s not actually there at all.

Lena reaches for her sometimes, forgetting herself until Phantom Kara dissipates beneath her fingertips, and she’s left with an even bigger hole in her chest.

When she’s alone, Lena talks to her. It’s stupid and silly, but she can’t help herself.

“I miss you,” she always says.

Kara always smiles, but never responds.

Lena starts to wonder if she’s finally going crazy.

<><><><><>

Eliza asks her about the bracelet the third night they’re in Midvale, but she’s been eyeing it since Lena and Alex arrived and probably already knows what it is.

Lena runs her fingertips over the cool metal around her wrist. “I was going to propose,” she tells Eliza, and hears the other woman’s breath hitch. “That same night, actually. As soon as she got home, I was going to do it. I had everything planned out and waiting, and then she had to go and be the hero that she always was.”

Her voice is flat. She looks up to see Alex in the doorway, tears slipping down her cheeks. Lena feels nothing, and wonders if this is how it will be for the rest of her life. The people Kara loved crying around her and Lena unable to do the same, wasting away into a single breath.

She turns back to Eliza, and is surprised to see she’s not crying.

Eliza reaches for Lena's hand, runs her own fingers over the engagement bracelet Lena’d had custom made. “You don’t have to be brave anymore, Lena.”

Something inside Lena starts to crack. She frowns and tries to withdraw her hand, but Eliza holds on.

“You don’t have to be strong forever. She loved you, and you loved her, and that’s enough. It’s ok to let go.”

The chasm in her chest nearly rips her apart. Lena’s vision blurs until she can only see light and shadow. She’s struggled to breathe ever since seeing Kara laid out on the concrete, but this is different: it feels as though someone has reached inside her chest and ripped her lungs clean out, like she’s been submerged under water and no mater how violently she claws she can’t make her way to the surface.

Eliza’s grip on her hand is strong and steady, and Lena’s body bows forward as she finally cries. The sobs start out as little more than gasps but before she knows it they’ve slipped onto the floor, her head pillowed in Eliza’s lap, weeping like it’s the only thing left to do in the world. She supposes, in a way it is.

Kara is _gone._

Kara is gone, and with her, Lena’s heart.

<><><><><>

L-Corp doesn’t suffer. Lena won’t let it. She works hard to make sure that everything they do continues forward steadily. The only problem is that she has no new ideas these days. They aren’t doing anything innovative or breaking edge, not the way they used to.

Lena feels lost. She’s never felt lost before, not when it comes to her work. Even as as small child, she knew what she wanted and was lucky enough to have the resources to get it. When she felt distant from her family, when her father died, when Lex went mad, Lena always had her creative, intelligent brain to fall back on, pushing herself up towards the stars and beyond.

Without Kara, there’s no point. The work continues, but Lena feels like she floating in space with her hand on the trigger and the power to move, but unable to decide which direction. She’s free-falling, like Kara did the night she died, but for Lena, the impact never comes.

\-------

“I don’t think I can remember her voice,” she tells Alex one night at the bar, and Alex plays her a voicemail that she listens to sometimes when she feels the same way. By the pool table, Phantom Kara has made a new friend.

They’ve settled into a sort of routine: sister nights once a week, out to the alien bar once a month. It’s hard, but it’s also nice to have someone by her side that understands, even a little. They cry over movies that have probably never been cried over before, and Lena always orders a round for everyone at the bar.

Lena tells Alex about Phantom Kara. Alex doesn’t laugh or call her insane, just takes her hand and says she thinks she sees Kara sometimes too. By the end of the week, she’s given Lena 10 recommendations for therapists that deal with trauma and loss, all of whom are DEO vetted or certified.

It takes a while, but Lena starts seeing one.

<><><><><>

Sam wants to come visit and tells Lena this every week when they talk on the phone. Lena insists that she’ll come to Metropolis instead. Sam had made it out for the funeral, but for several months afterwards, work keeps them both busy. Eventually, Lena takes off a few days and goes.

Metropolis is blissfully free of memories. There are a few spots that they have to avoid, of course, but nothing like National City, where every turn leaves Lena reeling from a time shared with Kara.

Ruby and Sam are distracting in the best way, too, and Lena can almost smile at Ruby’s jokes and antics, despite knowing they’re amped up a bit specifically to make her feel better.

They go to brunch. Sam lets Ruby skip school the first day, and Lena takes her shopping and buys her everything she wants. (She wants precious little, it seems, except to make Lena happy, so both she and Sam indulge Lena and let her buy them entirely new wardrobes, some tech and science kits, dozens of books, and everything else that Ruby expresses a vague interest in.) When she goes back to school, Lena goes with Sam to work and checks in on the Metropolis branch, even though they both know it’s just a cover. Sam, blessedly, lets Lena tag along everywhere she wants to all week, so she doesn’t have to be alone unless she chooses to be.

Halfway through her visit, though, Lena does have an afternoon alone.

It’s no longer as hard as it was to sit in silence at a cafe, sipping her coffee and wondering what sugary drink Kara would have ordered this time. She does some work and enjoys the sun, watching the crowds walk by. Phantom Kara has appeared three times when another Kryptonian shows up.

Clark Kent looks haggard in a way Lena would never have expected the superpowered alien to be able to look. She remembers him being at the funeral but didn’t have the energy to talk to him then. Now, she invites him to sit and he accepts with a small smile.

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you before,” he tells her. “I should have let you know a long time ago that I do. Kara always got mad at me for it, but even before you started dating, I knew that you could never be anything like Lex.”

Her name doesn’t cause Lena to flinch anymore, but there is still a pang in her chest. “Thank you, Kal. That means a lot.”

He smiles at the use of his Kryptonian name, dipping his head bashfully in a way that reminds her of the goofy, sweet teenaged boy that had been there sometimes when she came home for holidays growing up. He’d always been kind to her, until Lex went crazy and Clark had lost his trust in anyone named Luthor.

Now, though, Superman and Lena Luthor sit side by side, mourning yet another mutual loss.

“When Lex went crazy, I thought I’d never get over the pain of his betrayal,” Clark tells her. “This pain is a hundred times worse. Then I think about losing Lois and…” he shakes his head. “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.”

“I’m managing,” Lena tells him as honestly as possible. It’s not completely untrue. “Some days, though, I feel selfish. She lost her entire world as a child, her parents and friends, and I’ve only lost one person.”

“Kara had a hard go if it at the beginning,” Clark agrees. “But she wouldn’t want you not to mourn just because this loss is different. Losing someone you love that deeply _is_ like losing your whole world, in a way.”

“I wouldn’t exactly say I’ve lost my whole world,” Lena tells him, “but I feel like I lost which way I’m supposed to go. Before Kara, I had dreams and plans, sure, but with her there, I knew exactly what to do and where to go for the rest of my life. Now, I’m just stumbling around in the darkness, hoping I’m going somewhere.”

He nods in understanding and take her hand in comfort. Noticing the bracelet he runs a reverent thumb over it before lifting his eyes to hers. “Were you…”

“Not yet,” Lena says, and her voice breaks. “I was just about to give it to her.”

Clark bows his head for a moment. When he looks back at her, there are tears in his eyes. “She couldn’t have picked anyone better, Lena. I’m glad she found someone to love, even if you didn’t get enough time.”

Lena cries a little, and Clark holds her hand. He invites her over for dinner the following evening at his and Lois’s house, and Lena accepts.

When she goes back to National City a few days later, Lois has already made her promise multiple times to fit them into her schedule when she’s back over the holidays. Lena wouldn't have taken much convincing, even without the Tupperware full of homemade cookies that Lois sends with her.

<><><><><>

For a time, things get a little better. L-Corp’s stocks are up and they’re starting to make innovative strides forward in several areas again. Lena sees Phantom Kara less, and spends more time helping the DEO. Alex still takes her out for sister night and to the bar, and they start to have game night again. At first it’s a little awkward, their ragtag group of misfits only truly fit together because of Kara before, but eventually they settle into a rhythm. It’s different without Kara, but then again, everything is different without Kara.

Lena redecorates her apartment when she finally moves back. There’s more color, touches of Kara in the artwork on the walls and the patterns of the rugs. She lets herself grieve, then pulls herself together and makes sure little pieces of Kara will always be with her, even when Kara herself will not.

It doesn’t really feel like home, but Lena doesn’t think any place she inhabits will ever feel like home without Kara to share it with. Redecorating helps, though, and she’s able to take some comfort in her living space again, carefully curating her surrounding to bring her happy memories instead of sad ones. (Well, _happier_ memories, anyway. They’ll all always be tinged with sadness, of course.)

The engagement bracelet goes in her lockbox. She makes sure there are always fresh flowers in the kitchen instead, and hangs some plants in the living room. James gives her a print of his first ever photo of Supergirl, and it hangs above the fireplace. Alex helps her pick photos to frame and put in every room. Kara’s blanket is on her couch, and her glasses are framed in a shadow box and put up with some other memorabilia to decorate the home office. Lena chooses her new furniture carefully, making sure there’s lots of color and character, and gets rid of the “bland, minimalist crap” that Kara hated so much. She keeps Kara’s clothes though, telling herself that she’ll tackle that bridge someday, but not today.

Phantom Kara comes and goes, usually with stress, but Lena manages. She wakes up feeling refreshed on occasion, instead of hollowed out. Along with returning to weekly yoga, she takes up kickboxing. She indulges in ice cream and potstickers more than she ever has before, and even gets sugar-laden coffees sometimes, just because she knows it would blow Kara’s mind.

Some of the world has figured it out: Kara Danvers did disappear around the time Supergirl died after all, and her publicly known girlfriend has been in mourning for more than half a year.

Even Cat Grant sent Lena condolences and several bouquets of Kara’s favorite flowers early on, and eight months after, shows up at her office to “see if she’s managed to keep the place running all right.”

They don’t even make it over to CatCo, but Cat does take Lena out to lunch.

“They say Supergirl was the best of us, but I think, Lena, they forget about you.”

“She made me stronger,” Lena responds. “And I try to live up to that every day.”

Cat smiles. “Kara always saw the best in people. But even she could only magnify what was already there. You will continue to do great things, Lena, and I know she would be proud.”

With L-Corp resources and a little help, Lena starts the Supergirl Foundation. Their primary focus, for now, is on alien refugee assistance, including day to day necessities such as well-informed medical care, and appropriate housing and food. The next thing they hope to get going is educational work, mostly for space exploration and women in STEM that primarily targets girls (especially minorities and aliens). Alex is particularly excited about the self defense and law studies outreaches they have planned, and Cat and James have started drawing up plans for series of Ethics in Journalism workshops.

Lena starts to find her footing a little, a sense of purpose that had been lost to months of emptiness. Kara’s still her North Star it seems: keeping her on the right track when she didn’t think she could find her way. She knows a part of her will always feel lost, unable to make it’s way back home, but this is as close as she’ll ever get. She’s doing good work, and somehow it’s enough.

<><><><><>

The months slip past, and the hole in Lena’s chest shrinks a little. She knows she’ll never be without a scar, but life is manageable. She only cries sometimes, and knows how to keep herself from spiraling. She’s healing. Her therapist says it will take time and to be patient with herself. (She does her best.)

So when Phantom Supergirl, looking ragged and tired in clothes that are not her own, shows up at Lena’s office one average Tuesday afternoon, Lena’s only a little fazed. She wonders if this means she’s finally getting over the trauma of Kara’s death: her therapist had suggested once that the reason she never sees Supergirl is because that’s how Kara looked when she died, and her subconscious wants to preserve a beautiful memory instead of a painful one.

Still, she can’t keep herself from talking, like she usually does when it’s just her and the hallucinations.

“I miss you,” Lena says, smiling softly at Phantom Kara briefly before sitting at her desk and opening up the file she’d been holding.

“Lena,” Phantom Kara replies, sounding almost breathless.

Lena’s a little surprised at that, glancing sharply to where Phantom Kara stands. The’ve never had a conversation, but she’s been listening to Alex’s voicemail and other recordings she scrounged up a bit more recently. "I should have expected to start auditory hallucinations too, at some point,” Lena mutters to herself after a moment, turning back to her work. “God, I wish you were here."

“I am,” Kara responds, and Lena can almost imagine that there’s a hint of confusion in her tone.

Lena ignores it and barks out a humorless laugh, a bit irritated with herself. It’s easier to ignore when it’s just a visual hallucination. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? You’re really not.” 

Taking a deep breath to keep from getting too frustrated, she can almost smell sweat and smoke wafting off the Phantom, and wonders if this is how she goes crazy. 

"Lena," the Phantom says, and her voice is sad and anxious and hopeful all at the same time. Lena briefly commends herself on conjuring such an accurate hallucination, even if the implications of such a feat are horrifying, especially considering the progress she’s made recently.

The Phantom takes a step forward and Lena looks at her again. Phantom Kara doesn’t usually move around much, even when Lena can only see her out of the corner of her eye. She looks like she's about to cry, leaning forward slightly as she opens her mouth to speak again. Lena pinches the bridge of her nose, turning away.

"Not today,” she mumbles. “Please. I can't do this today." Tears tears burn at the corners of her eyes. She’s no longer afraid of them, but it doesn’t make them hurt less. “I promise, I can let whatever this crazy fantasy is happen tonight if it must, but not now. I have too much to do now, and you’re not really here, so please just leave.”

She’s aware of how she’d sound to an outsider, but she doesn’t care. Lena Luthor, finally going mad, and not even in the fun way. She almost laughs.

“Lena. I’m _here_ ,” Phantom Kara insists, moving closer still.

Lena stands abruptly, a surge of anger flaring through her, turning toward the phantom. “No. You’re not. And you never will be again. And I miss you, and I love you, and I want you back so badly it hurts every time I breathe, but I’m never going to get that, so please just leave me alone!”

She punctuates her last word with a futile shove at Phantom Kara’s chest, but instead of going through air and dissipating the vision altogether, her palms hit something solid. Phantom Kara doesn’t move.

“No,” Lena whispers, and shoves at Phantom Kara again, eyes trained on the solid shoulders beneath her hands. “No, you can’t _do this_ to me.”

A dam inside her breaks, like that day on Eliza’s couch. She pummels Phantom Kara with her fists, tears pouring down her cheeks. “I don’t want this. I don’t want any of you if I can’t have all of you. I don’t want to see you everywhere anymore. I don’t want to hear you or feel you if you aren’t really here, so _stop doing this to me_!”

“Lena.” Phantom Kara’s fingers wrap gently around Lena’s wrists. “Lena, it’s me. I’m here.”

Lena tries to pull away, but Kara’s hands, gentle as they are, are also firm, and hold her tightly. Lena lifts her eyes to Kara’s. There’s sorrow and concern there, but also Kara’s characteristic ever-present optimism, underneath. Lena notices worry lines on Kara’s face, a dark bruise near her temple, a healing cut on her jaw, smells a waft of smoke and sweat again, and something inside of her starts to hope.

Phantom Kara is always the best, purest version of Kara. Always with her glasses and her hair pulled back, always clean and rosy cheeked, well rested and glowing, wearing one of Lena’s favorite outfits. Always happy and carefree, as if nothing bad had ever happened. Usually smiling, or laughing, looking like she smelled like daisies and springtime and freshly baked cookies.

This Kara is tired. This Kara is vulnerable, with messy hair and no glasses at all. This Kara has dirt on her cheek and her nose. This Kara looks like she’s been grieving and fighting. This Kara looks _real_.

“Kara?” Lena whispers, shaking her head in disbelief. “No. No no no, you can’t be here. How are you here? How…. How is this…. You can’t….”

She’s crying, and Kara’s smiling, letting go of one of Lena’s hands to curl her fingers around the nape of Lena’s neck. She leans forward, pressing her forehead to Lena’s and her eyes slip closed for a moment. “Rao, I missed you.”

“Kara?” Lena whispers again, shakily and soft, but not too soft for her Supergirl to hear.

Kara’s eyes meet hers, and she _know_ s that the woman in front of her cannot possibly be a phantom, even if she can’t quite believe it yet. Kara is here; she’s home.

“You died,” Lena says, and she’s crying so hard her whole body is shaking. “I watched you die. I watched them bury you.”

“I know.” Kara says. “I’m sorry.”

Lena fists her free hand into Kara’s shirt. She feels like she’s about to collapse, or maybe explode. Her brain, her super-genius, stupid-in-love brain can’t figure out what’s happening and it’s frustrating her so much she wants to scream. She’s been free falling for so long: this feels like the moment before impact, the moment before the compass in her chest stops going haywire and points her to where she belongs.

Kara takes her to the couch. One instant they’re standing next to the balcony, and the next Lena’s sitting in Kara’s lap, and she knows she’s not hallucinating anymore because there’s no way she could have moved there that fast on her own.

Lena breaks, but this time Kara is the one that’s there to hold her.

\-------

When she finally can breathe again, Lena leans back to look at Kara’s face. She puts her palms on Kara’s cheeks and searches her eyes for a long time, eventually asking the only question she can: “How?”

Kara shrugs, running a thumb up and down Lena’s arm. “I don’t know exactly. I remember being shot at and a flash of pain, and then I remember waking up in a dark room.”

“You fell dozens of stories after being blasted to death. I was at the funeral. I saw them bury your body.”

“Someone must have wanted me alive?” Kara says. “I think the death was faked somehow. I’m guessing I was put into some sort of stasis, and probably dug up and taken away shortly after I was buried. I don’t know details, but someone wanted me alive, vulnerable, and unable to return to the general population until I was brainwashed to do their bidding.”

Lena pulls back and looks at her sharply. Kara chuckles.

“Don’t worry, I already took care of them.”

“Is that why you smell like smoke?”

Kara’s grin is everything. Lena wants to cry again, just looking at it. It makes her feel whole. A little part of her still believes she’s dreaming, but when Kara smiles at her like that, she can almost completely believe this is real.

“There were a lot of us. They’d captured lots of aliens, mostly good ones, and were exploiting their power in different ways. I don’t really know what the endgame was, exactly, because once we got our chance to prison break it out of there, we took it. When their tech and weapons were taken care of, we let the local government take them down, and I came straight here. I needed to see you more than I needed to know what they wanted with me.”

Lena nestles into Kara’s chest, eyes filling with tears again. “I missed you so fucking much,” she whispers, and Kara holds her tight.

\-------

When Lena’s finally composed herself, she insists they go to the DEO immediately. “Alex needs to know you’re alive,” she says, “and I’m not letting you out of my sight until I’m sure this isn’t somehow a dream.”

“I thought you had a lot of work to do today,” Kara replies cheekily. Lena smacks her bicep, then kisses it.

“Hurry up, Supergirl. I’ll even let you fly me there this time.”

Lena rides standing on Kara’s feet, tucked securely under one of Kara’s arms, her own arms tight around Kara’s back. She’s not sure if it’s safer this way, but it allows her to feel the whole expanse of Kara’s body pressed up to hers, and she much prefers that right now.

When they land in the middle of the DEO, Lena’s prediction of a flurry of activity is vastly underwhelmed. They stand almost unnoticed for several long moments, until a tablet crashes to the ground across the room and Alex nearly falls over.

“She’s real,” Lena says, her voice sounding loud in the sudden silence.

“Alex,” Kara breathes. She’s by her sister’s side in an instant, and Alex is launching herself into Kara’s arms.

Finally, the flurry of activity starts.

Kara’s taken into the medbay for some testing. When it’s confirmed that she is in fact Kara (and she is in fact alive and well), there’s more hugging and crying all around. Alex insists she sits under the sun lamp for a little bit, even though the cuts and bruises that Lena noticed upon Kara’s appearance in her office are already fading. She holds Kara’s hand as Kara humors Alex, and they call Eliza. Clark is next, and then Sam, and then James, and then J’onn makes them stop because they need to figure out how to answer questions from the press before telling anyone else.

Clark shows up before they’re finished talking. He’s crying as he wraps Kara in a bone-crushing hug that makes Alex fret.

Lena only lets go of Kara’s hand for the hug and picks it right back up as soon as they’re done. She’s seen Kara hundreds of times in the last 10 months, 2 weeks, 3 days and 18 hours, but touching her is different. Touching her, holding her hand, is a way for Lena’s stubborn brain to prove to itself that this is _real._

James arrives shortly after, and when that reunion is over, Lena gives him her credit card and makes him go call Eliza again and get her on the earliest flight, don’t worry about the expense. She also tells him to get every kind of food he can think of from all of Kara’s favorite places, enough to treat the entire DEO. All the agents have to sign new NDA’s, but then they feast and party until Lena doesn’t think she can stand up anymore.

When it’s finally time to head home, Lena offers Alex her guest bedroom. Alex accepts without question. It’s dark and late when the three of them arrive, and Alex hugs Kara again for a very long time before letting her go shower and get ready for bed.

“I’ll probably get up a few times in the night to come peek in on her, so no shenanigans, Luthor,” Alex warns with a hug and a smile. She looks lighter than she has since, well, since _that_ night. Lena supposes she does too.

Snuggled in Kara’s arms, it’s easy to fall asleep, and not just because of the late hour. For the first time in almost a year, Lena sleeps soundly and through the night.

<><><><><>

For a moment, Phantom Kara is there when she wakes.

Lena turns and sees yellow hair glowing on the pillow from sunlight that peeks in through the blinds she forgot to close, and her heart sinks. It was all a dream, too good to be true, a wish dissipating in the warm morning light…

But Kara shifts on the bed and the wish doesn’t dissipate. Her eyes flutter open and she reaches for Lena, tucking some hair behind her ear, wrapping her arm around Lena’s middle and pulling her closer.

“Morning,” she says, her voice hoarse with sleep, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

Lena kisses her.

With the initial shock and then subsequent non-stop activity last night, they hadn’t actually gotten around to it. Now, Lena kisses Kara and cries, and it feels like coming home. Her gaping hole of a heart has slotted back into place. She feels real again.

Kara kisses her back relentlessly until Lena needs to breathe. When she pulls back, Kara’s crying too. After Lena’s had a chance to catch her breath a little, Kara leans right back in, tugging Lena on top of her, sliding her hands up underneath Lena’s shirt.

A loud pounding on the door startles them apart, and Alex opens the door a crack. “Make yourselves presentable, kids. Mom will be here in 30 minutes.”

“Later,” Kara promises Lena, kissing her one last time before rolling off the bed to get ready for the day.

\-------

Eliza’s reunion with Kara is just as tearful as Alex’s was. When she’s done hugging her daughter, though, she turns to Lena and hugs her just as long. They’re all crying a little when she pulls away.

Kara tells them all she knows about her time away. Alex makes a note to look into it with J’onn, just to make sure it’s not going to be a threat again.

“I suppose we should tell you that a lot of people know,” Lena says as they sit around after brunch, chatting.

“Know?”

“About Kara Danvers being Supergirl.”

“Oh.” Kara doesn’t look surprised or upset, just confused.

“It was kind of hard to hide,” Alex supplies.

“Mostly my fault, probably,” Lena says, but her quip isn’t met with smiles.

Eliza shakes her head and Alex takes her hand. “Lena.”

“I’m not being self-deprecating,” she insists, “but I’m known by a lot of people, even just peripherally, in the tabloids and media and such. They knew Kara and I were dating, and they knew Kara disappeared when Supergirl died. They knew I was in mourning. Even if I didn’t come out publicly and make a statement, there were a lot of clues. If you and Supergirl show up at the same time now, there will be absolutely no hiding it.”

“It’s ok,” Kara says, scootching her chair closer to snuggle into Lena’s side. “Maybe it’s better this way: I won’t have to hide my relationship with you no matter what persona I’m exhibiting.”

Lena smiles at her, but Alex says they’ll still have to talk to J’onn about it, and decide if they’ll come out with an official statement or just let the public make their assumptions.

In the end, that’s what they do. Lena and L-Corp refuse to make any official comments or statements to the press, but if anyone asks off the record, they don’t lie. Supergirl is allegedly seen kissing Lena several times in her first few weeks back, but nothing official.

It’s a little harder when Kara goes back to work, since she herself is a reporter and is surrounded by other reporters all day, but she’s been hardened a little over the past year and finds it pretty easy to channel her inner Supergirl and just reply, “no comment.” Eventually, James makes even it company policy to refrain from talking about it, and issues a statement that CatCo has no comment and will not be investigating the rumor. It placates some.

<><><><><>

When the news of Supergirl’s miraculous return has finally died down a little (even if the other talk surrounding the red and blue hero and her alter ego have not), they take a trip to the coast. For seven straight days, Lena has Kara all to herself in a secluded little beach house, except for the times they run across someone walking down the beach, or when they go into the little town for the farmers market or out to dinner at the local fresh seafood place.

On the fifth night, almost a year to the day since she thought Kara died, Lena proposes.

It’s unplanned, nothing like last time. There are no flowers filling their apartment, no potstickers waiting with a carefully written note, no rose petals scattered throughout the bedroom for after. There’s just Kara, strong and warm and real at her back as they stretch out together in the lounge chair on the porch, watching the ocean.

The ocean is soft and the sky is pink and the words just slip out: “marry me.”

Kara leans away enough to look at her more fully, tangling her fingers with Lena’s and waiting a moment before she speaks.

“If this is because I…”

“It’s not. You know it’s not. We were headed there before. I have your engagement bracelet and everything, just not here. I want you and only you and always you for the rest of whatever time we have. Marry me.”

Kara pulls Lena impossibly closer, pressing a long kiss to her temple. When she pulls back, there are tears on her cheeks.

“Yes,” is all she says, and Lena smiles.

She’s home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, guys. This one got away from me. I was playing around with the idea of a multi-chapter, but when I started writing it, found that it worked better as a one-shot. Then the one-shot kind of exploded into this mess. Sorry for the flimsy explanation of what happened to Kara, that's not really the point of this piece, but hopefully it works. Hope you enjoyed it! Let me know if you think it needs a different rating, or if I should add any tags or archive warnings. 
> 
> Title from Sleeping At Last's song "West".


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